3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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