I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
