Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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