Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
