I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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