Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
