you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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