i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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