Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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