I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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