I wanna passion pit in your ass
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
