I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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