its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
