ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
