escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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