You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
