So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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