Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
