I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
