Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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