Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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