I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
