its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
