Pappa wants mamma naked
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize