Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I need to sanitize my soul.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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