Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
