i just wanna soil my oats bro
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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