Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
