This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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