Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize