I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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