I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
