Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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