the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
