i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
