there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize