She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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