my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
