and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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