He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
