Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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