I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
