why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
