is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
