Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
