Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
