dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
