WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
