get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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