My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize