I'm going to jail i love you
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
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