1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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