420 ftw
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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