At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
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