I'm pants shitting drunk right now
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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