Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
