Dual....:-)
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize