You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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