You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
