matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
