i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
