Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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