from now on my penis is your penis
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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