I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
