if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
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