he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
