Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
