I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
