I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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