rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
