So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He shit in the fireplace
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
