Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
