Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
