# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
